Always have, always will
by Calico Star
Summary: Wilson finds out a secret of Cuddy's.


"You're a good friend to him, Lisa, even if he doesn't see it."

"I just do what I can."

She found herself remembering the charismatic young man she had first met all those years ago. He was brilliant, opinionated, anti authoritarian, intense and gorgeous.

He inspired such a contradictory mess of emotions in her, but she had never felt so alive, he had a vibrancy that infected those around him.

Apparently she had intrigued him, she had always stood up to him as few had dared. They had found their discussions, even their arguments stimulating, although the volume might have had others running for cover.

She may not have been a genius like him, but she was highly intelligent and quick and she could hold her own and challenge him.

She fell in love, hard and fast. It had been unexpected. She wouldn't have imagined herself with someone like him, and besides, she hadn't planned on falling in love any time soon, she had her career to get established and she intended to devote her considerable energy to it. Not that that meant she wasn't going to party as well, this was university, but emotional entanglements would take too much of her time.

He brought the same intensity and focus to a new relationship as he did to medical puzzles, and the thought of it was intoxicating, but she knew he got bored and move on and she couldn't bear the possibility, so she pushed aside those feelings and concentrated on her friendship with him.

He allowed few people close, and when someone reached a certain point he started pushing them away, almost like he was testing them, to see how serious they were about getting close to him.

She had never forced her way past those barriers, but she refused to be pushed away either, and so she had been allowed a part of his world.

During the years that followed she had seen only a couple of people breech his barriers. One was a young oncology fellow named James Wilson, and years later, a pretty lawyer called Stacy.

They had kept in touch intermittently through the years, as he made a name for himself of brilliance and difficulty and she concentrated on climbing her chosen career path. Her feelings had never changed but she had grown so used to pushing them into the deepest, darkest corner that she could mostly ignore them.

Later, she could never decide how she felt about the fact that he had walked into her hospital in agony that day. Would someone else at another hospital have diagnosed him quicker and been able to help him? Had he trusted her in coming there, and had she betrayed that trust? Was there something more she could have done?

It had been a physical pain in her heart to see him there in agony, the kind of pain that could kill him even if the cause didn't. She had kept up the professionalism she needed while treating him and dealing with Stacy, but no-one had known that she had gone back to her office and sobbed out her heartbreak.

She had known as soon as she understood Stacy's plan, that there was no way it could end well. She had known after the surgery and when she saw the extent of the damage that there was no way he was going to forgive them. Gaining his trust was a special gift and he didn't take breaking that trust lightly. He was going to push everyone away again and even harder than ever before.

She had made a decision then, that whatever he did, she was not going to allow herself to pushed away. Her responsibility was going to be giving him what he needed, never mind what he wanted.

First she had made sure that the hospital provided the best care and rehab possible. Later, when he had recovered enough, she offered him a job. She knew he needed to keep busy, that he needed to get his brilliant mind engaged in medical puzzles once again. So even when all he wanted to do was sit in his office, playing his games and listening to music, she had hounded him into taking on cases. When he wanted to shut out the world, she had fought for funding of fellowships to expand his department, fought with him to interview and take on staff. She had created a secure environment and a degree of structure for him, while giving him someone to fight with and against.

For every moment she questioned her sanity, and wanted to bang her head on her desk after some encounter with him, there were moments that warmed her heart as she saw him rejoin the world again. Before the infarction he had been a brilliant, obnoxious and difficult doctor, after he was a bitter and twisted, brilliant, obnoxious and almost impossible to work with doctor. He would never be the same again, but sometimes she could see glimpses of the charismatic young man still there. However much he pushed her and made her want to scream, there was a part of her that was grateful to hear the jokes, that enjoyed seeing the spark of mischief in his eyes again.

It hurt when he seemed to respond to Cameron's advances, of course it did. She hoped it was just residual jealousy that made her believe it wouldn't work, but she knew that if it made him happy she would stand by and cheer him on. When Stacy had wanted to come work at the hospital she had wanted to say, "No way in hell!", but she had known it was someone else's decision to make. She knew it would never be her, but she hoped one day he could be truly happy again.

She was pulled back into the present by a voice,

"Oh my goodness, you love him, don't you?"

James' face swam into focus and in any other situation she would have laughed at his awestruck expression. And if it hadn't been for the fact that she was only just coming back to reality, she would never have answered him as she did.

"Always have, always will."

As she heard what she had just said, her eyes went wide, and her hands covered her mouth as if to prevent her giving away any more than she already had. Although honestly, was there anything she could say that would make this situation any worse?

The small voice giving a running commentary in the back of her head wished that she had a camera running because the expressions flitting across Wilson's face would have been hilarious if it weren't for the nightmare that she was currently in.

He settled on a mixture of interest and concern, making her realise that although most of the basis for their friendship was, he was a good friend to her too.

"So ..."

"So?"

"What happens now?"

"Nothing, nothing is going to change. We carry on just as we always have."

"But Lisa ..."

She had pulled herself together now, and she stood, leaning across her desk, hands firmly planted on the surface, and looked straight into his eyes.

"But nothing. You are going to forget all about this conversation. You are going to carry on being his best friend, I am going to carry on being the bad guy who makes him work and he is going to carry on solving the puzzles he loves and saving lives." She paused to let that sink in, and narrowing her eyes at him, continued, "And if you ever, ever, tell anyone, especially him, you are going to be sorry you were ever born, are we clear?"

He had never faced this side of her before, fortunately never having been on the wrong side of her temper, but now he recognised just how formidable she truly was. He hadn't had time to process all that was meant by this revelation, but he knew that when he did, she could only go up in his estimation.

He was staring at her, wide-eyed, and she was still glaring at him in her earlier stance when they were interrupted.

"Really, Cuddy, you cannot expect ..."

His piercing blue eyes took in the scene, "woah, someone is in trouble! What did you do Jimmy? Can I watch the show? Are you just going to yell, or is this going to get physical?"

They both rolled their eyes at him, but the tension was gone. She straightened up and James stood.

"I think maybe, I, uh, I should leave." Wilson made to leave, but only reached the door.

"Dr Wilson."

He turned back and met her eyes. He nodded his answer and hoped she could see the sincerity in his.

"Yes ma'am."

He left then, and Cuddy closed her eyes briefly and almost relaxed before remembering that the subject under discussion was still in the room, watching her with his all too perceptive eyes. Pulling herself together for the second time in the past few minutes, and turned to him.

"So House, what was the problem that had you bursting into my office without knocking, again?"


End file.
